what does it mean to you..

Friendship and being a Friend, I mean.


ok you should mostly start at the beginning. what I mean't from the title was how to begin to explain without whittering on for days about where I'm at in life at the moment.


I think partly its because I'm reaching a significant birthday and with that comes all sorts of thinking about future.   Again i'm not sure - I have quite a good set up currently, a good job/my own house/great family however at times it does get lonely.  Lonely more for a real close friendship I think more than anything.  I have fewer friends now than I had in the last 10 years which also unsettled me, friends who I had known and thought I would know forever,  have disappeared off the radar. Yes I realise everyone's lives move on but does that mean because you meet a man/have a family that you can't maintain friendships too?


I try my best to be a good friend but I find I am 'categorised' by my friends and am therefore put in a certain box for certain type of friend activities, such as :~

• I am the friend who is a good listener
• I am the friend who meets up for tea and cake
• I am the friend who can be asked to babysit while a group go out in couples
• I am the friend who can be texted late at night on the way home tiddly from the pub 
• I am the friend who is thought of for casual sex with no strings attached?!

so as you can see 'I am the friend who ....'

is that my fault? Do I not put my needs forward enough? Am I not assertive enough to say when I feel like I'm being 'categorised'.

so why do I feel guilty when its been weeks and I've not heard back from the friend who said I'll call you. So I waited, they didn't call/text and so it went on until eventually I got in touch to say lets meet up but yet I'm the one who feels bad for having left it for too long...

do any of you identify with any of the above? 
thoughts/comments please

x